


Her

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 09:03:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8156629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sam on his wedding day





	

“She’s just so, you know, amazing! Do you know what I mean?” Sam turns and looks at you. His eyes are glassy and reflect every ounce of happiness he must feel.

“Yeah, she’s great, there’s nothing not to love. I’m really happy for you and I’m glad you found someone that can put up with you.” Sam churtles and straightens his already in place tuxedo.

Dean knocks on the heavy wood door and slides into the groom’s waiting room. “This is it, Sammy. I’m really proud of you, you know that?” Dean gives his brother a comforting hug before leading you out to the alter.

You stand right beside him and wait anxiously for Sam and his bride to enter. You can’t help but shuffle your feet and wring your fingers on your dress. The bride’s family also wait anxiously for the ceremony to begin, chattering amongst themselves and stealing glances around the venue. Sam hustles down the aisle in stands beside his older brother up at the altar. From there everything is kind of a blur.

As the wedding march song begins everyone turns towards the french doors of the chapel. A woman dressed in a mermaid wedding gown walks with her father holding on to her arm as the practically glide towards the front of the chapel. You’re amazed as you watch her walk down the aisle just like everybody else. Her elegance takes your breath away. You can’t help but wonder if that had been you would you have looked that beautiful.

The priest commences the vows and you stand stiffly with a convincing smile on your face.

“If anyone is opposed to this union speak now or forever hold your peace.” the hall is silent.

You feel an itch inside of you as you hear those words. You so desperately want to say they shouldn’t be married, that he deserves better, that he deserves you. But you keep your mouth shut. While it still eats away at you as you see them kiss and become husband and wife you can’t wipe away the image of hell Sam looks at her. It is a look of complete admiration and unrivaled love. You know that you may look at him like that but he’s never once given you that look. In your dreams you’ve seen him look so tenderly at you, like you’re the only thing in his world. It was just a dream and she is the reality.

The ceremony ends and the newlyweds get into their car and head off for their honeymoon. It would be 4 months before you would ever see either of them again. Next time you do you wish you hadn’t been there to pick them up at the airport. You missed him so much that you jumped at the opportunity when Dean said he was caught up in a mission that was going to take longer than expected. You drove to the airport and waited at their terminal. Both came with their hands held against each other’s waists and the biggest, most ridiculous grins on their faces. Across the bridge of her nose there was a sunburn that was starting to peel but that didn’t matter because he had one to match.

Some part of you had hoped that maybe, just maybe, he would realize that they weren’t good for each other, that while it made sense for them to be together it just wasn’t perfect. You must have been kidding yourself. You know that once you look at them and you can’t help but realize just how perfect they really are for each other. Has you ever made him smile like that? Could you ever make him feel like the world is just made up for the both of you? You’ll never know. Because of your fear of destroying your relationship, destroying your partnership with them as hunters, you never actually told him what you felt. You watched him from afar like a priceless painting. You never dared to touch him or say your feelings in case it would shatter the world around you. And maybe it would have, maybe it would have destroyed absolutely everything you had together, but you can’t help but wonder if not knowing what would have happened is worth having to live and see that he is happy that Sam is happy with someone who just isn’t you. And never more than this moment as they walk towards you their carry on luggage grasp their hands have you wanted to be her. Just once you would like to feel that loving gaze burn into your eyes. Just once you’d like to feel him hold you like a priceless artifact. Just once you’d like to hear him say the words you’ve always imagined him saying, that he loves you. But that will never be you because it’s her.

The burning feeling of envy only continues to grow as you drive them back to their new house, their house that will be filled with memories. You hear them laugh as they tell you stories and see them smile knowing at all the things they left out. They wave to you as they go into their one story home and you drive away just far enough so you can park in an abandoned parking lot. As the radio plays an indistinguishable song you cry into your steering wheel. This was the final nail in your coffin. The final nail in the coffin of any possibility that you and Sam be together. You would like to believe that you are his other half, his soul mate, but the reality is so utterly different. She will be his lifelong friend and his partner until the end. Your space as his confidant has been taken and filled. You drive back home with the tears still streaming down your face. You grab at a familiar picture hanging on your wall. It was your 25th birthday and Sam had taken you to your favorite bar for you drink the night away. It had been that very day when you discovered your feelings for Sam. You turn over the picture and place it inside the drawer you never open. Maybe one day you’ll be able to bring that picture out again and not feel like a thousand needles are being jabbed into your soul. But today is not that day and neither will tomorrow. Only time will tell. But, for now, as you look in the mirror all you can think is, “Why couldn’t it have been me? Why couldn’t I be her?”


End file.
